True Confessions of a Demon
by Lady Belegwen Lightningblade
Summary: Sesshoumaru tells all . . . his side of the story, his views on fluffy tails. Purely a joke. Any Inuyasha or Takahashi bashing not to be taken seriously.
1. True Confession of a Demon

True Confession of a Demon  
  
Let's get one thing straight: I have no interest in killing my brother. Deep down, he's a good kid. Really deep down. He is, however, extremely immature. Look at the way he treats that girl -- what's her name? Kagome, I think. And anyone who knows anything about him knows about his manners. Nor do I want that rusty old sword that he carries around.  
  
I am, sadly, the victim of a PR compaign perpetrated by that Takahashi woman to make me out to be a villain and to make my irritating, irresponsible little brother look like a hero. The little brat started the trouble, blaming things on me, and that innocent little girl believed every word he said. She told the whole story to the Takahashi woman who embroidered on the whole thing, making me out to be an absolute monster.  
  
And another thing, I got along just fine with my step-mother. She was a wonderful woman, very kind to her half-orphaned stepson. The fact that she was human was entirely irrelevant in my mind. Inu-yasha was the one who had issues about it. Oh, poor me, I'm only half-youkai. I'm so weak and pathetic. It's just not fair.   
  
After our father died, willing the lands to me and that sword to Inu-yasha, I was aware that the boy was by no means ready to wield our father's fang. He was undisciplined and unready. I offered to teach him to use it. He, possessed by overweening pride, decides to run off and have nothing to do with me. The next thing I heard about him was that he had tried to get the Shikon gem to turn himself into a whole demon, but had ended up pinned to a tree by a miko's arrow and placed in an enchanted sleep.  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that when he woke up his behavior would have improved. Forget that. Fifty years later, he shows up again. He was on a quest to retrieve the shards of the gem. He tells me he wants his father's sword. (It was in our father's tomb, beneath the family castle. Before, he'd been too lazy to get it out.) I agreed and took him down to fetch it.  
  
So he pulled the thing out of its sheathe and decides to give the thing a few trial waves. He accidentally sliced a tble in half. Be careful with that, I told him. You'll put an eye out. He flourished it again, this time making a nice big whole in the wall.  
  
Alright, that's enough, Inu-yasha. Give me the sword. Let me at least show you how to hold it.  
  
No! It's mine! You want my legacy! Inu-yasha continued. Stay back, Sesshoumaru! He waved it wildly, destroying the curtains.  
  
  
  
He smirked. It's mine! He tossed it into the air and caught it in his other hand. He grinned triumphantly at his dexterity and repeated the maneuver with less success. The sword spin and embedded its tip in his eye. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kagome! Sesshoumaru poked my eye out!  
  
And now you know how the whole stupid story started.  
  
The End.


	2. Enough about the Tail, Already!

Enough About the Tail, Already!  
  
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Lady Lightningblade is pleased to bring you another rant by Seshoumaru.  
  
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Yes, I have a tail. I marvel at your powers of observation. Someday, you may even notice your own nose. It may take a while though, unless someone points it out to you.  
  
So what if my tail's fluffy? Why do you have to keep going on and on and on and on and . . . on and on about it? If you're that enchanted with fluffy tails, get a persian cat. They have fluffy tails, and they're much less likely to get sick and tired of hearing about said fluffy tails. Or if you ask very nicely, I know this demon who might be able to fit you with one of your very own! Wouldn't that be fun! You could stroke it all day and all night, and it would be very fluffy, I promise you.  
  
And another thing, I am not the only demon in the world with a fluffy tail. They're all over the place, especially on dog demons. In fact, I know someone with a very fluffy tail whom you should talk to!  
  
I know you all love my brother. He's cute, he's angsty, he looks good in pink, and he's got a much better reputation than I have, even if it is undeserved. Why don't you spend your time getting him out of that ridiculous pink outfit so you can see *his* tail which is even *fluffier* than mine? I know you want to see that! All big and white and fluffy! You like fluffy, right? You people make me sick!  
  
Yes, Inu-yasha has a tail. Why do you think he wears that voluminous kimono? To hide the tail, of course! He's as vain as a swan and he's extremely embarassed about his big fluffy tail. (You would be too if your mother tied pink ribbons to your big, fluffy, white tail when you were small. Poor kid. At least my tail bows were gold, which is a fairly manly color, as opposed to pink. Not to say that I didn't tease him about it a little, but come on, stop trying to make me into a villain, because all kids are little demons, even those without genuine demon blood, so please give it a rest.) He tried tearing the cute, fluffy thing off once, but it just grew back. This would be the down side to demon blood, wouldn't it? The only reason the brat's thinking about going human full time is to get rid of the tail. You don't honestly think he cares about the girl, do you? You're giving the kid a little more credit than he deserves.  
  
So, please transfer that ridiculous series of nicknames-- and shudder --over to the more deserving demon: my adorable, fluffy, little brother Inu-yasha. He won't even mind. I'm sure he'd love the attention. Hey! If you make enough of a fuss over him, maybe he'll even go demon full time, and he'll be as hot as I am and *still* have a fluffy tail, which will probably become even fluffier once he's a full demon.  
  
Anyway, my point it this: don't call me If you must have a nick-name to call me by, Oh, God will do.  
  
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	3. Call Me a Girl, Will You?

Call Me a Girl, Will You?  
  
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Sesshoumaru has more commentary for you! Aren't we lucky! Apparently, he's been reading the reviews, and heard that some people think he looks like a girl. his reaction was rather surprising . . .   
  
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It has recently come to my attention that various people have some confusion as to my gender. To clear things up once and for all, yes, I am male. Any of you reading this, surely already know that. I'm going to disappoint you greatly, I'm afraid, because I'm not going to become angry about it.  
  
It's a bit of a complement really. I am what the lovely ladies of the otaku persuasion like to a call a bishounen. It means a pretty boy. It means I'm young-looking, attractive, have long hair, large eyes, and long eyelashes. It means I could get away with cross-dressing. And women seem to love it!  
  
So for that matter do some of the men.  
  
Anyway, the point here is quite simple. Most humans aren't smart enough to look for the tell-tale differences between a really attractive slender man and a girl. Humans are stupid. Lucky me not to be one. Demons, of course, can sense a person's gender from the aura, so we don't make little mistakes like that.   
  
I'm perfectly willing to allow human beings their stupidity. They'd be so bored without it. Of course, if one of these humans called me a girl to my face, I might be slightly annoyed. I'd probably correct him. However, I would not bite off his head and use it to play a game of demon polo. I'm not that sort of demon. I have style and I don't kill humans for being stupid.  
  
I know, I know, you've heard so much to the contrary, but it's all because of the events I detailed in my first rant. I hope I've managed to clear things up here. I am not a woman, but I am also not a misogynist. I am completely comfortable with my pretty boy status, and I don't feel my masculinity threatened by uneducated people who assume because my hair is long that I am a girl.   
  
Oh, and no, I am not gay.  
  
Oh, and I'm also VERY available.  
  
Any attractive female otaku are welcome to drop me a line.  
  
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I thought I should cut Sess off there before he dug himself a whole deeper than he could climb out of. For the record, he's mostly joking. He's also rather desperate for a bigger fan-club. He's sort of offended that even Miroku has more fangirls.--Lady Belegwen Lightningblade


	4. About the Kid

About the Kid  
  
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Well, it's about time I took further action to correct my bad PR. Today's rant consists of my response to those lovely people who want to make me out as a pedophile.  
  
Now, let's make things perfectly clear: I'm not interested in any girls below what you call legal age. Well, at the very least I like ones that are old enough to have, you know, developed a little, preferably a lot. (Some of you younger fangirls should consider this before hoping to seduce me.) I'm a mature demon; I like mature women. Especially curvy ones.  
  
So why have you people made up your minds that I would want to take advantage of a little girl who is (at a very rough guess) eight years old, and who further shows all signs of being just slightly mentally impaired. I like Rin. She's a sweet kid, but she's not the brightest child I've ever met. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Bright children tend to be that much more difficult. Rin is never difficult. Sometimes I wish she'd get into more trouble, act more like a normal child. Good grief, she never even picks on Jaken. How abnormal is that?  
  
Now I know you have an argument to this. You argue that, well, Mr. Sesshoumaru, you're going to live for thousands more years and Rin will be grown up before you know it! So, then, once she's all grown-up and curvy, then will you ravish her in a horrible demonic manner that I can only fantasize about?  
  
Short answer: No.  
  
Medium answer: No, and you people sure are frustrated, aren't you?  
  
Long answer: If you had a much younger adopted sibling whom you had watched grow up, would you then find yourself in lust over him/her? Maybe you would. The term for this is an Electra complex, and it's generally not agreed to be very healthy. Rin can grow up all she likes, and to me she will always be a cute little girl, not a ravishable woman.  
  
And while we're on the subject of very young females who I am definitely not interested in, let's mention my little brother's girlfriend. (I know he doesn't admit it yet, but I do have eyes, you know?) She's still a bit too young for me. Thirteen or fourteen year olds give me an uneasy feeling that I might accidentally damage them. While we're on the subject, I think she's too young for Inu-yasha too. He's more than three times her age. Doesn't this seem slightly wrong to you?  
  
And there's another reason I don't want her. I don't steal women from family, however irritating my little brother may be. Besides, she really isn't my type. Not tall and curvy enough.  
  
Now, as I mentioned before when Lady Belegwen cut me off, any tall and curvy fan-  
  
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There he goes again. Sess seems to have a slight fixation on his lack of a love life. Ignore him when he starts talking like that, please.--Lady Belegwen Lightningblade


End file.
